Fooo....d that I can't possibly die eating. (yeah rite)

I've a pretty strange habit I do every morning (while brushing my teeth) -

I'll just gaze into the mirror and ask myself, "Do you think you can maximise every single hour today?".
I'll grumble and start my clockwork-gear in my heard running. And my schedule for the entire day comes out like a fax machine.

Pretty depressing. But it does wake me up effectively.

Anywayz, I was reading Men's Health for April, and I realized that I have the lowest risk of an early death because :

1) Its hard for me to get lung cancer - Because I hate smoking, and I hate the smell of smoke. The only possible way for me to get in contact with that carcinogenic compounds is maybe when I fell asleep while cooking and burnt my steak.

2) Its pretty hard for me to get colon cancer - Because I love my veggies, and I love yogurt. And, I dont have any problem in the *cough* boy's room. I guess the only possible way for me to get it is to eat some puffer fish and die of a ruptured spleen. (Which I'd die pretty happy, coz I finally got to eat puffer fish!)

3) I doubt I'd get heart attack anytime soon - I'm far from overweight, I exercise 5 times a week. I like swimming. Hmm. Actually its not that difficult for me to get heart attack. I'd just have to eat my brother's cooking for one week.
(refer to my brother's cooking a long time ago. Or just let me introduce you to the dishes he specializes in.)

Nicholas' Deep Fried Cheese Omelet
A succelently delicious combination of cheese and egg. Crumble it in your mouth as the egg dissolves, exposing a smooth liquid cheese that slides down your palate. Every mouthful squirts fragrant bursts of oil and the slightly burnt crusts complements the soft insides.

Nicholas' Fried Fried Rice
Ever thought that the fried rice in that posh chinese restaurant lacked edge? This dish will take you over it, with a combination of soft luncheon meat and egg. (Thats right my dear carnivores, no veggies!) This fried fried rice is actually fried rice that is fried! Nothing is impossible, as every grain soaks up the hot oil and crispy-fies the entire dish. The soft luncheon meat complements the crispy rice while the beaten egg adds life and color to the entire dish!

Nicholas' Trademark Burger
Made with 100% pure chicken or beef mixed with breadcrumbs, this burger is meant to make your big moma proud. The burger slices are flash fried while frozen still, making sure that the moisture on the surface is vaporized, replacing it with succelent oil, making it even more tasty and juicy then before! The surface is crispy, the mid layer is juicy.... but here comes the trademark special! The deepest core of the burger is cold! You'll sink your teeth into layers of juice just in one bite!
And if thats not all, the burger buns are fried in hot beef oil, making it fragrant and absolutely earth shaking! Slather the buns with a thick layer of Japanese Mayonnaise, add a dash of pepper and the Trademark Burger goes in between. - There you got it : Nicholas' Trademark Burger!

Nicholas' Seaweed Chicken
Seaweed chicken that begs you to eat them. Really. Considering how much they're fried. You really have to end their misery.

Nicholas' Milo-Peng
One 250ml glass of Milo contains enough energy to power a field of 100 atheletes that you found so suave in the commercial. You can't get more power then this. You won't want to try the "Dinosaur" version unless you've enough lozenges to last for 1 month.

and... you wonder how he got to that size. Wahaha.
*cough* all good chefs are fat. DON'T listen to Jamie Oliver. He doesnt eat his food.

I used to be a chef, but frankly, I'm only good at cooking noodles. Pasta sauces and stuff. Basic Italian food is so much more easy to make then Chinese food. Really - no kidding. Have you tried steaming a fish?

you'll go like
(5 mins in the steam pot) : *open cover* pokes gingerly at the fish - the fish moves. You scream, and realize that you didnt pour water into the steam bath.

(10 mins in the steam pot) : *open cover* poke fish and breaths a sigh of relieve when you realize it isnt moving, but screams again when you realize that the fish skin is stuck to the bottom of the plate. You proceed to add "Lee Kum Kee" fish sauce.

(15 mins in the steam pot) : *open cover* and covers your nose when you smell and overpowering emission of fish. (whaddaya expect. crab? - sorry bastian). You proceed to add ginger and spring onions.

(20 mins in the steam pot) : *open cover* you poke the fish and the flesh feels firm. You smile happily and take out the fish.
You sink your teeth in and scream. - You forgot to gut the fish. and you accidentally ate what the fish ate for dinner for your dinner.

(30 mins in the steam pot) : *open cover* you sigh and remove the fish. Because you realize that you forgot to scale the fish as well.

see?

Cooking chinese food is HARD.

haha. =) cheerios.